I want to live in such a way that I am answerable to my own needs, and not the passionless greed of a corporation. I want to live in such a way that my community is people I want to surround myself with, people I care about and who’s well being is important to me. I want to live in such a way that escapism is something I use to pass spare time, rather than run from the world I live in. I want to see trees and dirt and rivers and beaches and stone and wood and many beautiful colours. Instead of brick and concrete and plastic and dull greys or garish dyes.
I want to live in some sort of modern version of a small ancient community. I still want warmth and sanitation and medicine, but I can honestly do without a lot of the daft bits of fluff in my life. I’d rather grow some veg with a low success rate than buy them all. I am not talking about total self sufficiency, the land cant provide it anymore and I am not strong enough for it… but to be able to take some of the power of my life back into my own hands, rather than endlessly scrambling to find a good master, that would be a dream come true.
The maddening thing is, that with land, a project, and a small handful of people with a similar mindset and a lot of drive, this is a possible dream.
But, I am not equipped for this. I wont ever be able to afford my own house, let alone something as frivolous as land. I don’t have any skills beyond ‘Yes, Sir’ and I am unlikely to have either money or time to afford to train myself in them.
I am grateful for what I have. I am aware of my luck. I am no longer living in a flat that was on its way to killing me. I still get abuse in my job, my job is now actually to take the abuse for a companies fuck ups, but I can afford to live on the money.here, I am not in danger of starving…. but it is spiritually draining and the life is wasted on unimportant shit. The relationships I depend on to survive are built on mutual disgust, the land around me is sick and desecrated, and so in the heart of me I am sick and weakened also.