It actually took me a year to be comfortable enough to complete this post… which is why it may repeat some points of the anniversary ramble
There is a thing about him, turning you to look at yourself. To see what is not openly consciously acknowledged to yourself, like looking under the bed and at the back of the shelves to see what is forgotten or pushed aside.
As I look back over the past two years, I see the things I have uncovered about myself.
These things are not comfortable. But accepting them allows me to either work with them, or keep myself mindful of them.
I have a number of problems I need peoples patience and understanding with. I can ask for that, and thank them for that. There are a number of things that prevent me from doing certain types of jobs, eating certain foods, or pursuing certain activities. Acknowledging this and informing people where appropriate, stops me from getting into situations that I should not be in and feeling guilty about it. It also means that others, when they wish to do so, look out for my interests in these areas.
Inspecting and being mindful of my problems and flaws excludes me from things, and makes me feel maybes a little bit weaker for admitting to being what I still think is somewhat of a broken being. But allows me more power over them, and the ability where possible to put systems in place to overcome them.
Conversely, I am also shown where my strengths are. Though I am very slow to admit them. I have come to terms with the ideas that I can display a great deal of empathy, make people laugh and feel comfortable, and I keep being told I am not as bad at drawing as I think I am. People for whatever reason seem to find something about me interesting. And I have cultivated a stubborn ox strength that has let me put one foot in front of the other through many nasty things over the years, all alone.
Lastly, the fates I thought I had been doomed to, having not had any indication of anything other for almost half a typical lifespan, are not only in question, but proven to be utterly false. Like slowly coming to realize the sky is green and always has been.
I do not believe I would have gotten to this point without setting foot on this path. I have come so far. I know I have so much further to go.