The Silver Thread

Whilst running around in the woods pretending to be a were wolf, I found my first grey hair. It wasn’t really grey, more a silver white. Something shining and beautiful when seen without context.

It’s probably chosen now to appear as its a few weeks after my first ever time a doctor has told me to stop being so hard on myself. And about two years after I moved from one very bad job to another. I am only now just starting to realize how I need to shape my life in order to avoid further bad jobs… I have started making things out of bakeable plasticine…

Lets pretend it is a mark of wisdom.

The fact that I found this whilst engaged in fun youthful fantasy stops me from being so concerned about the old and grey part, and more mostly just concerned that I am no longer indestructible. I will soon need to put in EFFORT.

The first sign of destined mortality.

Its something I cannot fathom, because it is something I cannot comprehend. A time when I am not here. My entire experience of the universe is from my point of view. How can that change so suddenly, so dramatically, so finally one day? Its like seeing something jarringly out of place,  but fathomlessly inevitable. A magic trick with no slight of hand.

Preceding the start of the pretending to be a werewolf in the woods, we came across a lady with tears down her face and a stricken expression. Our group ask her why she was distressed, and after finding out she had just lost sight of two children and had been searching for them for half an hour, the group stopped and mostly looked worried and considered and conferred between themselves for a few moments.

I watched her walking away, getting smaller as if further beyond my reach. I thought about those times of test, where I have not stepped up or stepped in, where I have always let the opportunity to help another slip away and felt shame and anger after. I remembered that this was also part of the what-i-need-to-learn. I said something, not really to anyone else, like ‘can we go and help her’ abandoned the near-starting game, and walked after. I caught up to her, asked her name because we would need to tell the kids that, and where we should bring them to if we found them. I tried to calm and comfort her, which in retrospect was not the right or most useful thing to do in that situation. Others turned up a few moments behind me and I waited for them to gain the same information and form some sort of plan. Realizing none of us had any idea really what to do in this situation, or the correct way to search effectively.

One of our group stepped up, calmly and unnervingly addressed the lady with the correct questions and gave uncomfortable information. They were found by some other people whilst we were still sorting out the details and brought back, which was good. The lady was relieved, the kids were safe and unhurt.

I felt sad-happy when they were safely on their way to wherever, then went back to playing werewolf in the woods, and discovering my silver thread.

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