I am starting to feel hungry.
I am starting to want to DO things, want to learn things, want to explore things. It sits inside me like an impatient, somewhat pleasant, somewhat uncomfortable gnawing.
It asks me why I am wasting time waiting for things… for money to come in, for the end of the day and the start of my free time…
It whispers to me of many possibilities, dreams, and creations.
A soft glow on the horizon promising a beacon fire.
I don’t know what I will have time to do, because I know this lease of life energy is bestowed upon me by the temporary store bought neurotransmitters, and that soon I will have to divest my mind of them and wander back into the near gloom. And things are not easy right now, and I don’t believe they ever will be, but the brightness and the colour are back, like they were when I was a child, so long long ago.
Has it really been that long since my true self was last free of gossamere sorrow?
never regret your love.
even if a fair sky turns to storm and biting winds.
see the evil for what it is, and the good for what it was. value the hard lessons you have learned equally with the joy you have shared.
you lost a friend. i didnt, but you did.
you lost someone who loved you and fought for you. you lost someone who defended you when you weren’t present and would do anything to help you.
it feels good to be finally done with you. it feels like opening up a great wound to bleed all of the poison out.
your cruelty is no longer my concern.
i offer this lesson to the shining one
you have once again forgotten me. i am… irrelevant to you.
it feels like i was left with our fire dwindling on the mountain path.
and i tried my best to shelter it from the wind and rain.
fought to keep it going.
but it burned down to nothing anyway.
there was no fuel here to feed it.
no way of keeping it going.
and i am cold and soaked through to the bone.
with no way of being warm and dry again.
unless the weather stops.
the embers have all burnt out
an empty scream of fury, pain, and hopelessness